"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn’t matter how fast or how far. It doesn’t matter if today is your first day or if you’ve been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run."
This quote resonated with me today. I have run 1000's of miles, countless races/beaches/mountains, but then I just stopped one day. I used to think I couldn't be called a runner anymore however the past couple weeks I have started to pick it up again. Just a slow steady pace at first, but just as long as I was able to put my funny running shoes on every day I knew I was farther than most people get. Lately (past year or so) I have allowed my mind to take over my peaceful mind it once was. One of my friends here has had an incredible journey of finding running and yoga and healthy food and it has inspired me to go back to what I used to do. So today was the first day I decided to quiet my thoughts (my mind wanders when I jog) and to just give it my all. I was never a sprinter (marathon runner and my fastest mile in a 5/10km was 6min while most women my age easily break that). But today it wasn't about that voice that always reminds me of what I used to be - today I wanted to see who I have become and to shut my mind off. So the sprinting began. It initially started because this guy that runs on my track always says hi to me, but ALWAYS passes me (if anyone tells you that they don't secretly think it's a race they are lying to you) at an incredible pace and he is much older than me (I think, it's Thailand you can't tell age). Well I have already made a little reputation for running because well I run. I wear my shorts and a t-shirt and my funny looking shoes (my friend nicknames them my little monsters) and I am not just walking around the track on my cell phone. Though I have nothing against that, it's good to see people be active. However the kinds of workouts I like, I LOVE TO SWEAT. The weather isn't too hot in Thailand right now so it's been nice to run in the evening, However because I run 40 minutes, I just do a jog and sometimes some sweat happens, but once I stop it's nothing too much. So today when this guy passed me I decided to turn up my music and try to keep up with him. WOW it has been awhile since I have tried to actually do a solid run, but I was determined. He kept a pretty steady pace at first and I am stubborn so despite it being the first 30 seconds of running I wanted to keep him in at least eye sight. I had a pretty bad weekend and treated my body horribly and always felt a good sweat was a good detox of both toxins and bad energy. Well the first minute was brutal, especially when I checked my cell and saw the time hadn't changed I knew it was going to be a long 40 minutes of this. However my body started to respond. My heart rate increased, but never to the point of it exploding, sweat began to trickle down my face and neck. My legs started to remember what an actual run used to be like and started to switch back into running mode. My friends have always hated that I could go a couple months of no running and then run a half marathon, but this was a different kind of run. I wanted to turn my mind off, there was no finish line, I just wanted to hear my own breath (over my Rihanna because #realtalk she has great running music) and with each step my mind quieted, my breath became to remember how to handle the high intensity workout. I knew I couldn't actually sprint the entire time because that's nuts and I didn't want to hurt myself. I had kept up with him for majority of the run though. I slowed to a jog for 1-2 rounds, to allow my body to recover, but then would start to run hard again. It's especially fun because there is this group of guys that run and normally they run a little faster than me and they usually just laugh at me with my shoes (though it's Thailand, who knows what they are laughing at and I know I am funny looking), but not today! I kept my pace (at least I hope, I need to find my nike band) and cruised passed them and didn't look at their faces because I am sure I thought I looked confident, but I probably looked like death haha. Well my mind quieted and for the first time in months, I was able to focus on my breath and was in my state of meditation. Ironic that I need to force my body to exert so much energy only to listen to yourself. Proof that I have issues, but who doesn't. It felt great to feel back into it. I did a little cool down and relished in my sweat. I felt victorious. Torrential downpour of sweat - my own hard earned sweat. I set my mind to shut it up and my body's response was to just sweat it all out. And to top it off? As I walked (okay maybe limped a little) back to my room I caught the most beautiful sunset in my little town. The sun was bright orange and it was just about to set over the mountains. I thought maybe I had time to catch a bike ride to see it, but realized it was setting just then. I ran out the gate to the street and just stared at the sunset (might be blind later...didn't think about that until later). Made me just thankful to be in this beautiful town and that I conquered my day and the sun was setting, but the sky remained alive with colors. Although exhausted from lack of sleep this week (bad dreams and self hate can really beat you up) my run brought me back a little closer back to loving myself again.
happy happy happy
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